How having Rectal Cancer is a Little Like Being Gay!
LGBTQ+ = Taboo 🏳️🌈
Rectal Cancer = Taboo, too! 💩
I am PROUD to be a delightful concoction of taboos, and June is the perfect month for me to celebrate ALL OF THEM! It’s Pride Month. It’s Cancer Survivors Month. It’s also my Birthday Month — something which I will never take for granted, post-cancer. AND, it’s my REbirth-day Month (Cancer Free Birthday), so celebrate I will, being a part of the fringe! 💃🏼🎂🏳️🌈💩
You may or may not have figured out by now that I am the L-word! Lesbian. (Register sounds of audience gasping):
Unenlightened Stranger: “But you look so, NORMAL?!?”
CC: “Why yes, I do. Thank you?!?”
Of course, you also know that I am a (suspenseful music plays, again) Rectal Cancer Survivor! (register sounds of audience gasping, again):
Cancer Muggle: “But you look so, NORMAL?!?”
CC: Why yes, I do. Thank you?!?
If you are shocked at this news, I warn you that I am a post-menopausal, cancer-surviving lesbian badass who is all about telling it like it is, being authentic and providing education! Let’s get to it.
Some disabilities are invisible — such as living without a sigmoid colon and most of your rectum — Invisible that is, until you must run to the bathroom at top speed, knocking over monster-sized cereal boxes on display and drawing stares from onlookers in Costco as you try not to poop your pants in public! Or, those times you need to use a private bathroom in a store because it’s the only one around, and you have to convince the clerk (while dancing in your diapers) that you have a medical reason to do so even when you “Look so normal.” The disability is unseen so we’re asked to PROVE it exists in order to get our (urgent) needs met. 🤔
So, how does this compare to the LGBTQ+ population? In many cases, despite what some media would have you believe, many who are part of the LGBTQ+ community are unknown and unseen. A great number of us wear the cloak of invisibility and “pass” for straight people until you really get to know us, you know what we want you to know. There are so many more of us than you realize. Just because you don’t SEE us, doesn’t mean we don’t exist, and that we don’t have needs and wants and things that we deserve such as common courtesy, respect and human decency.
I fall somewhere in the middle of invisible and activist. I’m more the, “What you see is what you get” lesbian. But quite a few of my older lesbian friends are still very much living the don’t ask, don’t tell life of invisibility; and surprise, I also know trans people who live very much under the radar. To each their own I say, but the reasons for it are still abundantly clear, TABOO culture! Sometimes it’s easier to stay in the closet than to face the fear, disappointment, judgement and rejection of others. At least when you have cancer you get sympathy!
Taboo Culture
Ah, taboo culture. Alluring though it may be, like cancer, one does not simply CHOOSE to be a part of it, because, Why TF would we?!? Just imagine the recruitment posters…
Taboo Culture Recruitment Posters 🤦♀️
Ah Yes, to be a member of a marginalized society is a highly sought-after life goal for SO many! Sign me up! 🤦♀️ If you are sitting there nodding your head and saying, “Yes. This is so true. This is how people become L-G-B-T and Q!” Stop reading! You are dismissed. 👉🏻
Pridefully Perfect
My point is, NO ONE wants cancer and NO ONE consciously chooses to be born LGBTQ+! If we had a choice in either of these things, don’t you think we would choose differently? Especially once we realize the hardships it can cause: Job loss, family loss, being told God hates you, being a target for extremists, possible death at the hands of haters, suicide… Don’t answer that. OF COURSE WE WOULD! I have met NOT ONE LGBTQ+ person who ever said, I chose this lifestyle. Similarly, I have met NOT ONE person who had cancer who said, I chose to get cancer. Why would we? We wouldn’t!
Now, before you go get all wiggy on me and accuse me of comparing cancer (a terrible thing) to being gay (not a terrible thing), that is NOT what I am doing! I really wouldn’t change a thing in my life at this point. I am in remission from cancer and learning new things about myself every day; and my big fat lesbian life has been pretty damn good so far; which I attribute to a little luck, some smarts, the ability to see myself as whole and complete without needing society’s approval, and a lot of divinity, which I know means I was created by a perfect being who made me perfect just the way I am.
I’m saying that:
There are things in this life that we do not always have conscious control over, such as cancer and being born some version of LGBTQ+.
If it weren’t for the opposition, we would accept that we are perfect just as we are and never question it.
We know how to turn lemons into lemonade, or a pride parade! 😉🍋🏳️🌈
Truth be told if I hadn’t figured out my “gayness” I mIght still be stuck in an unhappy, unsafe, codependent marriage with a professional alcoholic who was not going to get sober as long as we stayed together. Which BTW, is why I was/am so transparent when it comes to my lesbian life — I was tired of keeping secrets — so when Doc and I got together I said, “We either do this out of the closet or not at all.” That was 21+ years ago and that was a big damn deal back then! Over the years that decision paid off in that we were able to educate and help a lot of people understand “how this happens,” and guide them in knowing that we were the same people we always were — The same ones they knew and loved before we were — gulp — gay. Because fear and hate can only be eradicated with education and understanding.
SAME with rectal cancer
Education and understanding are key! I am an open book! If you have a question, bring it on! I will answer pretty much anything! I wear shirts that claim I’m a “BadASS” as conversation starters, I write this blog and I talk about poop and farting and everything in between! I am an open book when it comes to cancer because I believe it’s the only way to get people to understand it is not something to sweep under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist. BTW, It doesn’t go away that way. It is a reality. So I feel like the more I share, the more comfortable people will become talking about it. We need more research, more funding and more voices. Society needs to stop marginalizing people so that they will get screened early and talk to their doctors about symptoms without embarrassment or shame. Besides, if I hadn’t been diagnosed with Cancer, I would not be on the fantastic path of growth that I am today. And if I hadn’t fallen in love with a woman, I wouldn’t be as happy as I am today. These are indisputable facts.
Speaking of facts
The LGBTQ+ population is more prone to cancer diagnoses in a variety of areas, and lesbian women win the prize for the most disparities. Plus, LGBTQ+ and POC (people of color) are less apt to get screened due to healthcare insurance disparities and stigma.
The Mayo Clinic says, “Some research shows that lesbian and bisexual women may be at a higher risk for breast cancer than heterosexual women… Lesbian and bisexual women are also at a higher risk for colorectal, skin, cervical, endometrial and ovarian cancer,” for a variety of reasons.
The National LGBT Cancer Network says: “There is reason to believe that LGBT people are carrying a disproportionate cancer burden. There is adequate research to confirm that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people have a unique “cluster of risk factors” that would lead us to have both greater cancer incidence and later stage diagnosis. We estimate that there are over 1 million LGBT cancer survivors in the country today. This disproportionate burden of disease is referred to as “health disparities.” Health disparities in the LGBT community are caused by multiple factors. There are no biological or physiological differences between LGBT people and our heterosexual counterparts. Rather, the disparities are caused by a combination of social/economic factors and behaviors, many of which can be traced to the stress of living as a sexual/gender minority in this country… Unfortunately, the existence of health disparities in the LGBT population does not stop with cancer diagnoses. For the 1 million LGBT cancer survivors in the country today, the impact of disease and treatment on quality of life is significantly different from that of our heterosexual counterparts in the areas of sexuality, social relationships, and dealings with the medical community.”
This is sobering, and while I know some haters may be thinking, fine, let them die, I would argue that this is not the true “Christian” way of being. Rachel Held Evans agreed.
Making Lemonade 🍋
Rectal cancer survivors have to be resilient and persistent! Even once we are past the radiation, chemo and surgeries, there are life-long challenges that many of us face, which affect our quality of life and require in many cases, BIG lifestyle changes like LARS (lower anterior resection syndrome) or living with an ostomy bag! While rectal cancer survivors are clearly not the only cancer survivors that face hurdles, there is a greater stigma attached to being a colorectal cancer survivor than say breast cancer survivors, because everyone is willing to talk about boobies; but no one really wants to talk about butts, arseholes, poop and farting! 💩 💨 🚽 It's more gross than glamorous! We have to be damn tough — BADASSES — to thrive despite our challenges. Same with being LGBTQ+! We have to be tougher, sometimes smarter, more aware and most especially resilient, persistent and sometimes even bulletproof to live life in a largely misunderstood minority group.
So what do we do? We celebrate, we teach, we learn! Most people don’t realize that Pride is as much a celebration as a protest.
This month, I am encouraging every cancer survivor, LGBTQ+ individual and every straight person to take one step toward understanding these taboo cultures because neither cancer or gayness is contagious nor are they going away!
Whether you start by learning something new about someone you don’t understand or whether you simply begin to understand and love yourself more. Start somewhere! We all deserve to be who we are, love who we love, be healthy and free and love who we are without the burden of judgment. Because nothing causes dis-ease (cancer) like stress and negative emotions!
PRIDE + CRC Affirmations
Read these affirmations into your mirror...
I am proud to celebrate all the gifts that being a part of two Taboo Cultures has afforded me:
I know myself
I am true to myself
I know that I am perfect in all the ways that matter
I am a miracle
I am a teacher
I am a warrior
I am stronger than I knew
I am bold
I am worthy
I am enough
I am forever grateful and blessed to be alive
And No one can tell me that I am not! 🏳️🌈
Humanizing people is how we become more human! Silence is dangerous. Fear is Dangerous. Hate is dangerous. Knowledge is power. Love is the answer. What’s the question? 🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🤎🖤🩶🤍
If you want to find out more about my big gay life, head on over to our social media @CCnDoc this month as we celebrate pride by sharing all the “gay” questions we’ve been asked over the years. There are some doozies! You won’t want to miss out! We will also talk about how being an LGBTQ couple impacted our cancer journey.
Oh, and check out our latest “CCnDoc Talk” podcast, “How to Stay Positive” at your favorite podcast provider.
Happy Pride! 🏳️🌈 I see you!
UPDATE — CCnDoc asked to provide LGBTQ Cancer Survivor Tips in Collaboration with Fight CRC!
We were very excited to be asked by Fight CRC to create a video of our LGBTQ Cancer Journey providing tips to other LGBTQ+ cancer survivors! VIDEO HERE ON TIK TOK! Fight CRC does a fantastic job advocating for LGBTQ+ persons in the colorectal cancer community. If you’re a CRC survivor looking for your people, or someone wanting to donate to a charity organization, I highly recommend Fight CRC!
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